So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
