can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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