I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
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