i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He did a backflip because drugs
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
