I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
