Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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