my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
