so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
