As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
