My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
