just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
