Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
