I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
