dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
