Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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