There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
