my sisters under your porch take her home
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She made me pour olive oil on her.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
