dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
