he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
