remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize