Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
