At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
