Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
