Don't make out with my wife yet
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it's great music for shaving your balls
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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