Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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