Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize