so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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