Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
