two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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