fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
