We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
