Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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