This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
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If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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