the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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