The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
