Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
