he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
