I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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