I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
