she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
