and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
