3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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