Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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