we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
