thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
