how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
