so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I AM VODKA MAN
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
