Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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