Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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