I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
