Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
