can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
