Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize