Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
