nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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