He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
