Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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