i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
whose parrot is this?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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