singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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