Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
