she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
