ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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