Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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