I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
MIDGETS
????
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
