five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
