ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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