Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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