lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
