I could have mohawked her pubes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
