I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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